growing couches «

One of the many things my mother passed on to me was a love of learning! I have not always understood her intense desire to pursue a greater degree of formal education but to be perfectly honest the desire to gain a deeper amount of knowledge is something I CAN completely understand. I have completed a university degree and although I do not have a deep yearning to go back to school for a masters or doctorate or anything of that nature, I do thoroughly enjoy the classroom setting and the interaction that leads to an “a-ha” moment. Over the last few months I’ve considered the fact that one day soon I will have to return to school in order to finish my formal education to become a teacher but in the meantime I need to find ways to occupy my more “intellectual” side that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.

My thoughts were to combine that desire to learn, become better at the job I am doing now and a better parent into one effort. So on a quiet afternoon last week I headed to House of James, our local Christian bookstore, and began searching through their non-fiction section on parenting. I was looking for a particular book my good friend, Heather, suggested but came across a book entitled, “‘Parenting is your Highest Calling’ and 8 other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt” by Leslie Leyland Fields. The title immediately caught my attention and my first reaction really was more along the lines of what the heck is a book like this doing in House of James…of course parenting is one of the highest callings! But the rest of the title intrigued me and got me wondering what incites this author might have regarding parenting.

The first chapter of the book is “Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard”! She talks about how we so often feel like failures, particularly moms, because parenting seems so difficult and the assumption that if it feels difficult we must be doing it wrong. The first challenge that is stewing in my brain right now is this, “pretending that parenting is easy diminishes the value of family. As truth seekers and truth speakers, we need to be honest about the cost of parenting…Yet not many of us have examined our own parenting assumptions and expectations, holding them up to the unsparing light of the Scriptures.” I thought about that for a day or two, pondering what exactly we have done as Christian parents and I know my personal response affirms her point. I have discussed, vented, prayed, and every other possible action aside from examining them next to scripture. I have held to the cultural notion that parenting should be easy IF I am doing it right.

The second challenge is even more revolutionary in my mind. I’ve always just assumed that God is a happy, loving, sacrificial parent figure and to that degree of joy, love and happiness is what I must aspire. However, Fields challenges that notion through scriptural reference…”we seldom see God as a happy, blithe parent. We see instead God hungering for more…God reveals himself as a hurting and tender Father who longs for a deeper relationship with his children…We see God allowing his heart to be broken again and again by our failures.” At first I thought really how is that possible for a perfect God to encompass those ideas. Then I began reading the passages she was using as evidence…Exodus 4:22, Malachi 1:6, Isaiah 66:13, Isaiah 65:2. I could identify with the words of truth spoken there. How many times have I already wondered, and will wonder in years to come, where is the honor I would love to see my children afford me and felt like I have held out loving arms to “obstinate” children. A perfect God has felt those things with the people He has created and still feels that in the moments I do not follow His will for my life.

I am eager to continue reading this book and find the truths God will teach me through this but I also want to be a truth seeker and speaker and recognize that this job I have for now is NOT easy. In reality it’s very difficult and comes with many sorrows, tears, anger and frustration but isn’t the truth in this particular chapter that light is always so much more comforting and appreciated when it comes at the end of dark tunnel. My comfort lies in the fact that THE LIGHT has and continues to experience my journey but illuminates the path before me so perhaps I might learn from His example.

“How do I raise wonderful children who have avoided many of the world’s temptations?” I ask myself this questions daily, knowing full well that my children never have been and never will be perfect. However, I would like to have children who are grounded, a delight to be around, role-models for their generation and those to come, truthful, godly, etc., the list could go on forever really! Most importantly I want my children to know that in a world of hurt, confusion, drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, and frustration they have a place to belong. How often do we hear kids talking about wanting to find acceptance and a place to belong and all too often finding it in places that lead to darkness, despair and depression.

Over the last few weeks I’ve felt a little of that despair myself. How can James and I possibly raise all four of our children to be wonderful, amazing people both in our eyes and God’s? This morning as I sat in on a great lesson with a very wise woman I was given a fresh perspective and lifted from some of that discouragement.

We began evaluating from a less “spiritual” perspective what the basic needs of a person are. In my undergraduate years we studied a little of these types of things. The basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing have to be met first. Then safety and security, third was belonging, and so on and so forth. One of the last human needs is love (not THE last but close to it). As a parent I’ve always tried to tell and show my children how much I love them not always grasping that the “need” for love is actually quite small in comparison to some of the more basic needs that I may have been neglecting. But as I gave this concept more thought I clearly remembered my own childhood. I never once questioned that my parents loved me despite the fact that I didn’t hear it from them daily but more importantly I ALWAYS knew that at the end of the day I BELONGED to them, in their home, in the shelter of their protection. No matter what I did or did not do I would not be forced outside of that protection.

As our “teacher” shared with us in more detail the types of people she deals with in her own profession she challenged us that the best thing we could do for our children was to help them understand that they are OURS! As a believer we cling to the truth that we belong to God and he lives in us. We are a family in Christ and nothing we say or do can get us in or out of that family. It’s a gift, freely given and a place to remain without condemnation! In Romans we find evidence of this desire as Paul writes in Romans 1:5-6 “Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. And you also are among those who are called to BELONG to Jesus Christ.” The chosen people were the Jews but how much more meaningful would it have been to the Gentiles knowing that this gift of belonging was free to them as well!

I decided to put these ideas to the test and as I scooped my darling three year old daughter up I whispered in her ear that she was MY beautiful, child and she would always be mine! I was rewarded with the biggest grin and sweetest giggle as I buckled her into her seat. Then I turned and buckled my very affectionate five year old into his seat and whispered similar words into his ear. I was not disappointed by his response either. Both proved the point that they knew they were loved but more than anything they felt treasured and protected by my affirmation that they BELONGED to me.

In a world that offers little in the way of true belonging and real love I realized that in order to help my children become the people I know God wants them to be I must first provide for them a safe home where they can be themselves and know they are always, ALWAYS welcome and treasured. THE place where THEY belong and then train them up in the way they should go so they will not depart from it.

These precious gifts do, in fact, BELONG to me and always will!

I know I’ve said this more times than I can count but the blessings I have received and my children have received from relationships in our extended family are far too numerous to count. Having both sets of parents and siblings so close by does not come without it’s challenges but I have to say that I would not trade the great bonds being developed for any amount of distance on this earth. Maybe that sounds sappy to some and to others nearly impossible to fathom. I understand that every family comes with baggage and frustrations but for the most part James and I try to overlook these areas and focus on the positive aspects.

The other night Tim and Amber invited themselves for dinner and proceeded to arrive amidst the chaos that we call “home”. Sam and Jake both had friends over for a playdate and both friends were kids that have always felt very comfortable in our home. The moment “Uncle” Tim arrived all four of the boys were ready and willing to grab a leg, arm, armpit, etc. anything that would engage Tim in a wrestling match. For those who don’t know my brother, he is a 6’4″ police officer who is more than ready for a take-down at a moment’s notice. Much fun was had by all the boys and they all left the room with red, sweaty faces (Tim was no exception).

Now the thing I love most about Tim is that he is fun-loving and extremely easy-going about almost anything. But when it comes to playing with his nieces and nephews he is downright serious about tiring them out. All my brothers are actually pretty good that way but Tim definitely took the cake with his creativity on this particular activity. After dinner my four kids asked for another wrestling match and Tim obliged.

Following is a video of our very own “Canadian, Junior bobsledding team”. It was a good laugh for me!

I have endeavored two things in the past two weeks…Number one is to do my daily exercise routine before lunch every weekday and to follow the bible readings that our pastor suggested every morning during my tea break! So far so good and I have to say a new excitement has been building for both my physical and spiritual health. This morning as I was contemplating so many things the scripture I read struck me with such force both for my own personal being and for the greater world around me.

Matthew 12:36 “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken.”

My first thought was how many times have I carelessy spoken to my children, out of frustration, anger, in jest, etc. What account will I have to give for the way I have randomly made a comment to a friend or callously fired a remark at my husband. Never has a piece of scripture burned such conviction on my heart.

As I consider these words on a little bigger scale I think of the lonely young woman who has graced our extended family with her presence for an period of time. She has uprooted herself from her friends and family across the country in order to start fresh and get her life back together. In talking with her over the last few days I see a weary, young lady who has been hurt beyond compare with careless words spoken in anger. Words that may have held some truth but did nothing help her see just how far down a troubled road she had already travelled but pushed her like a bulldozer even farther down the ugly road. Words spoken by those who are charged with loving her and building her up. As I said we often do this to people we love but the reality is that there is no justification for such things and they will indeed come back to “haunt us”.

On a grander scale I see the implications of careless words spoken in relation to the disaster of Haiti! I could not keep my jaw from dropping as I listened, this morning, to a “minister” of Christian faith proclaim that the earthquake of Haiti was a direct result of the pact Haitian leaders had made with the devil. A judgement proclaimed from God on their people for “selling their souls”. As I listened to another talkshow interview Haitian Canadians waiting desperately to hear from family members or finding out that members of their families had been killed and buried in the rubble of their own home, I could not keep the tears from coming knowing that someone who claims to know MY God could pronounce such ficticious judgement on an entire people group.

I’m not really one to preach my faith from the rooftops. I prefer to live my life by example and love as Christ would love in order to draw people to him and allow his Holy Spirit to do the work. However, as I grow older and hopefully wiser I see that there are times when only a loud cry to him on behalf of lost, hurting souls can be heard and that as a believer I must defend my belief that God is not a God of carelessly spoken words but one who carefully chose his words with unconditional love and a deep desire to draw his children to him!

My challenge in the coming days is to think more clearly and deeply and speak less. A challenge that for any woman is difficult but one that MUST be taken seriously in a time when the spoken word is all too often tossed carelessy from the mouth.

by Jake that is! Most of you have already befriended on Facebook and therefore know what I mean by this. But to actually write down how cool it feels when you have a child that just “gets” something! Jake has always been a unique little boy. From the day he was born he has been my snuggler. People used to ask if he was really just that content to sit quietly on my lap without squirming away. He has been my most emotional child thus far and although it wears on my nerves it does create a special bond for us. He is the first to tell me I look like a princess even on the worst hair day possible and first to tell me he loves me. He goes from laughing to crying in a matter of minutes and rarely a day goes by without a bit of a tantrum. It does not make parenting him easy but in his moments of joy, laughter and compliments he is terribly easy to love.

In this past week he surprised me with an ability to read! You might be wondering why that’s such a big deal but when you consider the fact that he’s 5, only half way through kindergarten, I’ve never actually worked on “reading” with him and his teacher had no clue this was possible, it does in fact strike a cord. He brought me a small book of early reading books my good friend, Heather, lent to me and opened it and read the first sentence, “The fat cat sat in the red box.” There was a picture but it is more of pencil sketch and it is not colored so he could not have just looked at the picture and read the sentence perfectly. When I asked him if he had been working on his words at school he said, “no, I just know how to read”. WHAT!!! Who just does that? I know I’m a bit biased and probably too proud (which by the way I’m trying to temper so my other children don’t get a complex) but the look of sheer enthusiasm that covered his face could not be ignored. We proceeded to read four more of said books with only a few words of help on my part. He sounded words out and even self corrected when it didn’t make sense. I know this is but a tiny accomplishment in the world of education he has yet to face but a major stepping stone in conquering one of the most important aspects of living.

To say the least, I am in awe and joyful at the great achievement he has accomplished.

I think my mom has been waiting for granddaughters all her life. Although it took her awhile to warm up to having grandchildren she has overcome that in leaps and bounds. Over the years she has found a number of wonderful things to give my four children. Things, not the least of which is her time and love. But being a bit sentimental the things I tend to cling to are the tangible evidence of her deep love for them.

My mom learned to crochet when she was but a little girl and an art she has not lost! It is definitely not a skill I have inherited but I am beginning to think I should learn. Each of my children have received a beautifully hand-crocheted afghan from my mother. Sam’s is the old Canucks colors of maroon, navy, blue and white, while Jake’s is the new Canucks colors, bright green, blue and white. Lanae was given a lacy, white and pink baby afghan with pink satin ribbon woven into it when she was born and Annie has a wonderfully delicate, lacy cream baby afghan. A few years ago Sam also requested a sweater. My mom obliged but gained reassurance from Sam that he would actually wear it. Although it was meant for him when he was 6 he still shoves it on and wears it on cold winter days under his winter jacket.

Well, in recent years mom has again picked up a little bit of a lost art from her early married years. As a little girl, I remember running under a quilting frame with various members of my family positioned on all sides of this quilt. They would spend days on it and carefully hand-stitch the quilt together. It seems a little House on the Prairie-ish for me but the results were always stunning. Having said that I was so excited when mom said she wanted to make matching quilts for my girls. Knowing my mom I knew it would only be the best material, the best quality, and the most superb craftsmanship possible. Needless to say I was not disappointed! Lanae’s quilt is the first to be finished and I know Annie’s will follow shortly. In the picture above Lanae is really sleeping! She was so thrilled to receive this wonderful gift and I am happy that she has this token of love from her grandma to remember her always.

To be honest it is clearly not just I whom the sentimental bug bit because both my sons have asked for a similar gift from Grandma. Thankfully my mom will be willing to accomodate that request but I’m hoping that maybe it will be something we can do together so I can learn this beautiful talent she has!

I know it’s been a ridiculously long time since I blogged but life has been crazy so this was the first thing to be put on hold! However after a friendly reminder from my good friend Tillie, I realized that some people do indeed still check to see what my life looks like. Although I choose not to make New Year’s resolutions I will endeavor to keep this little corner of the virtual world more up to date:)

So I’ll start with the wonderful memories we created this past Christmas. When I was a little girl my mom had this cute calendar that started on December 1st and went until Christmas eve. It was made of felt and had tiny little pockets in it. It wasn’t unique in and of itself but it was the way my mom chose to use it that created the most amazing memories for me and I have carried that tradition into my own house. So each year on November 30th I drag out my calendar and begin brainstorming activities that I can write on small pieces of paper and put into each little pocket. These activities may include such things as decorating the Christmas tree, making cookies, finger painting, homemade playdough, etc., etc. The point is that each day has something unique that is either related to Christmas or has some aspect of family time together. Now that we have a fake tree December first is always decorating the Christmas tree, much to my enjoyment and to the chagrin of James. I usually unpack the trees, the Christmas CDs and get them ready so that when James gets home and we’ve eaten dinner we can then spend some time focusing on this altogether. Thankfully my husband is a great sport and always chooses to participate. I hope and pray this will continue even as our children grow since part of the reason they love it so much is because we do it all together. The other reason we cherish this time is because many of our Christmas tree ornaments hold special meaning. For example I made ornaments for each of the children on their first Christmas from their footprints and every year since I have tried to come up with some unique ornament so that when they move into their own home they will have something that first year to put on their tree. James reminded this year that perhaps I should think about choosing an age to stop this tradition as the kids may find it kind of silly as they get older so we chose 10 as the appropriate year to finish with that for each of the kids! That means I have two more years for Sam and a few more for the other three. Some of the other special ornaments include ones that my mom purchased for James and I when we were engaged and first married as well as one particular ornament my mom purchased for me the year I miscarried during the Christmas season. Each year when I put that one on the tree I get a little catch in my throat as the kids remember that there actually was one more baby Davenport. It’s bittersweet in its rememberance for me.

Other Christmas activities are our Church family skate, decorating a gingerbread house, celebrating James’ birthday, the kids Christmas programs at school and church, doing a tour of lights in our town, going to Van Dusen park or on the Christmas train at Stanley park, and Christmas carolling. A few of these activities had to be abandoned this year because of snow or just exhaustion from too much happening but we managed to enjoy quite a few.

As far as Christmas productions are concerned this year was a particularly busy season for those. The kids’ school is rather traditional in how they celebrate which I really appreciate. Sam’s class explored how different cultures celebrate but front and center was the nativity scene and my wonderful eight year old played the part of Joseph. He was excellent with his lines and looked so sweet playing a little man. Jake’s class has an amazing opportunity to learn sign language since one of his classmates is deaf. Their class sang the song, “Little toy trains” and did the sign language for it as well. Jake was fabulous and sang his heart out. Now the kids also had the privilege of participating in the church program. Since I was able to coordinate it this year with an amazing team of people working with me it was a great success. The live orchestra, the children’s choir, and the great acting made it such a wonderful performance. Of course the cutest by far were the little ones who were the cows and sheep in the nativity scene. That included Lanae and she was more than thrilled to be included in something that put her front and center.

This year we spent Christmas Eve with my parents. Thankfully most of us had the day off so everyone except for Joel’s fiance, Meghan, who had to work a little later and Ben and Trish, who headed over the Island to spend Christmas with her family this year, headed over the mom and dad’s right after lunch. We all pitched in to help with dinner and then just spent the day opening gifts, visiting and playing! It was actually pretty relaxing even with my four kids and Tim and Amber’s little guy, Meeka. Lanae and Annie both took a turn dancing with grandpa since my parents have recently taken up dance lessons. It was so sweet to see them both enjoying my dad and feeling cherished as every little girl should. The boys enjoyed the Wii game we purchased for them (actually we all have over the holidays) and all the kids were thrilled to get new shirts or dresses specially purchased from Jamaica from Uncle Joelly and Auntie Meghan. We attended Heritage’s Christmas Eve service which was simple and enjoyable and then headed back to mom and dad’s for appetizers and games.

Christmas morning the kids actually managed to sleep until 7:30 so we all jumped out of bed and began opening gifts. The kids were eager for us to open the gifts they purchased for us. The boys’ school holds a Christmas craft fair each year and they both brought some money and purchased small gifts for each family member. My sons know me so well since they both came home with a pair of earrings for me. Yes, if you’re wondering they were slightly tacky but I’ve managed to wear both pairs and the look of delight on their faces is worth whatever mockery I might have to endure for my plastic, glittery, snowflake earrings. James also spoiled me this year and signed us up for the same dance lessons my parents have been taking. Joel and Meghan are determined to have a proper dance at their wedding so it will be neat to actually know how to dance. However, James surprised me with the idea to go to a few of the “dance parties” the dance studio holds after lessons. Who knows, maybe this will be one of those hobbies we will enjoy well into our retirement years.

I don’t have any pictures of this one but James has made it a bit of a tradition with which ever family we are spending Christmas day with to make a big brunch. He whips out his big skillet and makes a feast for the morning. This year he treated us to bacon, breakfast sausage, fresh fruit, orange juice, eggnog french toast with cinnamon butter and syrup, eggs, hashbrowns…it was amazing and a great way to settle into Christmas day.

We ended the Christmas festivities at Jim and Janet’s with gift opening, wine, visiting, laughing, and a full roast beef meal. This year we were glad to have Drew and his girlfriend, Saika, join us for the day. It was a wonderful day and the kids enjoyed every minute of it as did James and I.

What I value most every Christmas is the closeness of both our families. Sometimes it’s just the proximity that keeps us close and other years we truly feel the bond of relationship that brings us together and keeps us united. Although we do not spend a great deal of time discussing this we all know that in the world we live in today dysfunction reigns in many families and often brings with it horrible experiences especially around the holiday season. I can honestly say that I LOVE both of our families and cherish the time we have together. It is a refreshing break from the chaos of life and every year reminds me of what Christ have given us in His relationship with us.

I hope this year I will be able to take a little more time to share the experience God is giving me and how they are impacting my own growth and my family! I hope I haven’t lost too many of you in negligence of my blog but for those of you still checking I hope this year brings many blessings for you as well.

Meeka Ward Neufeld made his appearance in the wee hours of the morning (1:33 to be exact) on August 26th after 26ish hours of labour! When I got a chance to pop in for a short visit an hour later my brother, Tim, looked positively exhausted and his wife, Amber, looked radiant! Both had the tired but clearly joyful looks of new parenthood plastered on their faces and both proudly watched as their newborn son was passed eagerly around the room! I know it sounds kind of poetic doesn’t it!? But really what else could it be when the miracle of new life emerges into the waiting arms of two loving people and an extended family ready to embrace all that this little person has to offer.

The months that lead up to this much anticipated moment are surely well worth the wait. With comments from the young cousins about when baby Meeka comes…how much longer until baby Meeka comes…will baby Meeka be born soon…and on and on it goes. When we told the kids auntie Amber was not feeling well and it probably meant baby Meeka would be coming soon they eagerly joined me in praying for a safe, quick arrival. Although as a mother I knew the hardwork ahead I also wished all the best and shortest possible amount of pain to my wonderful sister-in-law. Once Meeka was born I jumped out of bed to dress and make the short trek to Langley hospital and visit my brand new nephew. Later that evening the rest of the family joined me on a return adventure to hold, snuggle, and kiss this new little man in their lives.

Upon entering the hospital Jake informed me that, “we’ve never had a cousin before”, Lanae told me, “Baby Meeka’s my friend mommy and I’m going to help change his diaper because I’m a big girl” and Sam quietly strolled along until we reached the designated room. Upon arrival baby Meeka was finishing his dinner and of course being the knowledgeable older brother, Sam kept his distance but Lanae had no qualms peeking under the receiving blanket looking for Meeka and checking out every part she could actually see. When Meeka was ready to emerge Sam waited with eager arms to hold him for the first time. After about an hour the kids were clearly eager to get out of the small space. We headed home with each talking about how cool it was to have a cousin. Sam was sure he would be baby-sitting soon and Jake couldn’t quite grasp how come baby Meeka was so small in comparison to baby Annie (who now seems like a giant)! All in all it’s been a great experience so far and I pray the best possible transition over the next few weeks for Tim and Amber!

A few more!

A Daddy for the first time! Love the exhausted look on his face but clearly joy at holding his newborn son.

My first nephew. You can’t imagine, unless you’ve been an auntie, the joy of holding a newborn that you haven’t birthed but know you love almost as much. I have waited for what seems like eternity to feel the comradarie of parenthood with one of my siblings and knowing that I can now share in the joys and pains of raising children with my brother (who also happens to be one of my best friends) makes this moment all the more special.

Grandma again! I imagine for my mother there is no greater joy than seeing a healthy grandbaby and knowing that her children can experience life’s most precious gift all in one little package.

Uncle James is pretty excited about his new title as well. Thankfully we all have awhile to get used to it.

Although I would like to post some individual pictures it’s pretty hard to capture the essence our vacation with only a few and I have over 600 pictures. Granted I can’t put some of them on for “security purposes” (as per my little brother’s instruction) but the ones of my kiddos and “fun” ones I’m allowed to share over the internet. Most of you who read my blog are aware of our recent vacation to Regina and the purpose of our trip. Since Tim prefers I don’t share much about his current occupation I will leave it at the fact that I am very proud of all my younger brother has accomplished and all he will accomplish serving his community.

Our road trip was a success in all ways imaginable! The kids were great, hanging with my parents and siblings was great and seeing Tim after six months was fabulous. Our drive included 12 hours on the road to Calgary (well more like 11 with the time change) on Thursday and 8 hours on the road to Regina on Friday.

We stayed in a Best Western in Regina with a great pool and waterslides and attended all the great family festivities planned from Saturday to Tuesday. We headed back to Calgary on Tuesday afternoon and stayed with my Aunt for the night. Our original intention had been to go to Calaway park again this year on the returning Thursday but the weather was not cooperating so we drove home that day instead.

The kids were disappointed but dealt with it really well. I was probably the most disappointed because I was pregnant last year when we went so I didn’t get to go on all the rides. Anyway, once we got home we went to “The Great Escape” in Langley instead. It was fun and pretty reasonable. Saturday we capped off the holiday with a Pig Roast at my parents place for Tim’s return and Joel’s birthday celebration! It was a full day of fun, family, food and funniness (those who attended would understand that last one)! Needless to say I’m happy we chose to make this trek and although it was a lot of driving it was well worth the time spent!

growing couches

Truth Seekers!

Belonging

Playing!

Careless Words!

I never cease to be amazed…

Special Gift

Christmas Traditions and Memories

The Newest member of the Neufeld clan

Excitement!

Summer Vacation