I will probably write this post multiple times in my life…in fact I found its sister on the pages of my blog from two and half years ago when the letting go was merely beginning. The fact of the matter is that life really is about letting go many times over. We find things, people, events, moments and we reach out to grasp them. We hold them close for a time and then realize it’s time to let go, then we repeat the cycle again with something new and fresh. I find myself in a season of letting go and it’s really not a bad thing, in fact in so many ways it’s been very freeing. If I were to spend time analyzing it I could say it may be the years of maturity or perhaps the realization that I can’t control everything anyway, or even better, things just being pried from my tight grip. Regardless of the circumstance I’m glad I am in a place to experience this immense burden being lifted.
The truth is, that part of my personality has always been to maintain, organize, control (if you will) the situation. My brothers liked to refer to me as the “mother hen” or “bossy pants”, both of which I’ll freely admit to being. My husband teasingly refers to me as his “little planner/organizer”, again both things that I can see as glaringly obvious tendencies. I do think that all of these qualities have their place, they’re all part of my talents and abilities and what makes me who I am, but they can also be part of my weakness. They cause me to hold on too tight, to forget that part of our life journey is to let things go and move ahead. Over the years, I think there are a few areas I’ve held on a little too tightly, my family, both immediate and extended, my friendships, money, reputation, just to name a few. But the last few months I’ve felt my perspective shift a bit. While you may be expecting an amazing experience that led to some great epiphany, the truth is that my eyes are just opening.
The reminder that things can be great and amazing without my firm grip has occurred daily. As I’ve stepped back and opened my hands I’ve seen the great joy that comes with acknowledging that I control little and that there is One who oversees all. Here’s a few, that over the last few weeks have brought me to a place of peace…
An evening with friends, that I could have spent stressing over the budget, or lack thereof. I could have agonized over appetizers or not, steak or salad, a glass of wine with my meal or abstain, dessert or just have something sweet at home but instead I turned to my dear husband and told him to pay the bill and keep it far from my sight. The reward of just enjoying myself was immense. No knot in my stomach wondering how on earth we were going to pay for this.
A dinner with family that I walked into with the soul purpose of enjoying what EVERYONE had to offer. No worries about what may or may not unfold, no apologies for how I handled my children, no desire or need to discuss dos and don’ts, just pure and simple being together.
A last minute dinner with my husband and a co-worker that resulted in leaving our oldest home to baby-sit and for the first time put his sisters to bed. Then to be rewarded by coming home at exactly bedtime, for said little girls, and find both of them peacefully sleeping in bed.
A work event, glitches here and there, but trusting those whom I’ve asked to help and releasing my expectation in exchange for knowledge that what will be, will be.
A spontaneous jaunt to the mall with all four of my kids. Usually a place I avoid, but their desperate plea to shop broke my barriers. A few well placed words and a “letting go” of my usual need to corral and ensure they appear to be the most well-behaved children in the entire universe left me with the amazing opportunity to watch them “grow up” right before my eyes. It was as if they physically sensed my grip loosening and with that realization came the ability for them to finally take that moment to show me just how incredibly great they CAN be.
So many opportunities to experience the peace and joy that comes from recognizing that my need to have it all together generally makes a situation chaotic. When I choose to let go, I give room to experience the bigger picture that my Creator has designed and the ability for others to journey alongside me in the most fulfilling, uplifting way.