It’s been a while since I’ve posted…mainly because there hasn’t been much to say aside from the normal busyness of life. There are moments here and there that catch me and I think of writing but the moment passes and I choose to file it in my mind instead.
This morning a deep feeling has lodged itself in my soul. I can’t explain what it is because it’s not really one feeling but many, many feelings that I can only describe in one word…”DADDY”.
I often ponder the majesty of creation, specifically in relation to the differences between men and women. Being a woman I cannot fathom how a man functions, perceives life, copes with struggles or feels with each passing day. What I feel, is so often vibrant and consuming…each situation brings a new set of emotions and everything is intertwined. We joke about the differences in men and women, we laugh at how it affects our communication with each other, we strive to overcome it but all to often it is the reason for hurts, frustration and even anger. But when things boil down we need each other, we need the differences, we need the change in scenery that makes our unique perspective.
Today the thing that I have felt so deeply is the relationship that each woman craves and it has been designed to come from one individual. Some women may say they DO NOT want this, they are independant and free, a man just complicates things…I beg to differ. As a grown woman I still feel the “princess” inside me calling for his approval, his love, his gentle embrace. My daddy, the one who protects, who loves, who cherishes, who gives of himself, who hugs, kisses, dances, tickles, and so much more.
As a child, my dad worked hard, he drove long haul and often wasn’t home. To be honest I don’t remember the not being home part but I remember vividly the feeling of unsettledness at certain times. The creaking in the house was louder, the roar of the furnace sounded like a monster, the movement of my siblings and mom in the night were foreign, nothing was as it should be when daddy wasn’t safe and sound in his bed. The protection I wanted was not readily available to me as it should be…my daddy was not there to spring into action at a moment’s notice.
From my teen years until a few years ago I really took for granted the relationship I had with my dad. We have never been super close, not the kind of close that some fathers and daughters share. My mom and I had a great relationship and she was the one I went to when life was too much or problems needed solving. It didn’t mean less love for dad it just wasn’t expressed outwardly. Over the last few years I’ve come to appreciate so many things about my father. He’s stoic, hard-working, kind, caring and giving. Many more things spring to mind but these are a few of his obviously strong points. We both have come to recognize the need for a more intentional relationship and try, as time allows, to keep up-to-date on each other’s lives. The one thing I don’t think I’ve ever shared with my dad is just how much he means to me. As he prepares to, yet again, put the needs of his family first, and spend the next few years commuting between his home here and his work up North, I am struck by how his presence affects the dynamic of our family and how much I value and cherish his presence in my life. Although I have a wonderful man who meets all my “princess” needs now, I count on the presence of my father to be there, “just in case”. I love him dearly and am so glad that I still have this time with him.
Maybe the last few years have touched a nerve in my soul at the shortness of life. I see around me dear friends who have never had a dad, or a dad who was there but not really there, or even worse have just lost their father and my heart aches for each one and serves as a reminder for me that as God has graced my life with an earthly father within my reach, I should not let a moment be wasted. It serves as a reminder to me to encourage the men I know that have daughters to seek those cherished times. The little princess’ that dance around your living room and look with emploring eyes for your approval, give them what they crave…give them what God has created you to give them…love, care, nurturing, hugs, kisses and dancing. I listened to the song by Steven Curtis Chapman this morning, “Cinderella” and the words struck my soul. All every little girl wants is to find the protection and security that “dancing” with her father offers. A place where hope thrives, where joy can be rediscovered, where we feel all is right and the palace is but a step away. A place of refuge in a lonely, hurting world. The arms of a father to lean into when the storms of life hit, when all seems lost, one place to seek solace and comfort.
And for those who cannot find that here on earth, I am struck by how we can turn to our Abba Father…the one who created us to be this way, to need protection and comfort, the one who longs to “dance” with us, to be the Prince we seek. The Psalmist tells us that God has seen our troubles and he alone will help the fatherless. We can call on him to bring the peace and joy that surpasses human understanding and He WILL comfort.
So dad, if you read this rest assured that you are a staple in my life…a man I trust and count on. I thank God everyday that although our story is not neat and tidy that He brought us together and keeps us in each other’s lives. I am thankful that you have been the model for me that allows me to seek my Heavenly Father when you’re not near. That I am not fearful of what God is like because I know that a small part of Him is modelled in you. Thank you for being my dad and for loving me as I am.