Sometimes we look ahead and we realize we can’t actually keep our eyes on the prize. We have to keep our heads down and just put one foot in front of the other or take it one step at a time because that “prize” is just too far away.
While I’ve felt so incredibly fulfilled moving into this new journey there are moments when life bogs me down. I’ve been so blessed by the support I’ve received from so many people in being in this place and in those gracious givings of others I’ve found a place of humility for myself. Often over the past four months I’ve wondered how I’ve managed things and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it’s only because I have family and friends who know my heart and my passion and who love me enough to share in the journey with me by unselfishly sharing the burden. It’s because of them that I’m able to keep taking each step towards the final goal of becoming a teacher.
The last few weeks have been so tiring, but in a good way. I was able to experience the true nature of teaching which both invigorated me and exhausted me. I don’t think anyone understands the amount of energy that is required to be in a constant state of “redirection” that happens in a classroom. A friend pointed this out as an observation of one of her children’s teachers and I realized she’d hit it on the head precisely. I finished my last day of my short “school experience” (really it’s a short practicum) and I couldn’t figure out why I had a terribly hard time keeping my eyes open when I was no longer doing the teaching. As I discussed with my friend her observations I realized that teaching isn’t just “teaching”…it’s reminding, it’s moving, it’s seeing, being aware, planning, anticipating and just constantly being “on”. It’s impossible to sit in a class and zone out for even a second. I tried it briefly on that last day and as one student after another walked up to me, “Mrs. Davenport, can you do this…Mrs. Davenport, what do I do next, Mrs. Davenport….” Whether I wanted to or not there was no way to sit in a classroom full of energetic, constantly moving elementary school students and take a little breather to gain perspective. The truth of the matter is that when you teach the work won’t wait and it may not even be there when you get back if you leave.
So in this busy season of school, learning to teach, teaching, being a wife and mother, trying to be a daughter, sister and a friend I am taking it one step at a time. Relying on the graciousness of many people around me and constantly thanking God that he’s getting me through.