It’s been more than a year since I found a moment to share the words of my heart through this forum; unbelievable to think that a year has past already! I remember being a teenager and thinking my life would NEVER really start. Now, many years later, my life has indeed started and is in fact passing so quickly. I have a teenager who is sprouting like a weed and three more following closely in his footsteps. LIFE IS BUSY! It’s the kind of busy that is amazingly rewarding but also keeps you from stopping to smell the roses without purposeful steps.
It has been an incredibly long time since I blogged and honestly it’s not for lack of thoughts or happenings in my life but really more about time, not really feeling much like sharing and maybe just giving the whole blog thing a break when more important things need to be focused on. However, this week has been interesting. Full of inner turmoil and so many thoughts in my head. If you are reading this, I guess I did decide to share it but there is a small part of me that wants to keep it for myself because not everything has be shared publicly right and it’s an unfinished, unanswered part of my life journey?! But we share so we can learn, share so we can support each other, share so others may know they are not alone in how they feel, or share for the sake of making a difference.
I took up reading this book as I was finishing my Teacher Education Program. I knew I would have quite a bit of spare time on my hands through the summer being finished my schooling and recognizing that I was likely not going to be working until September. So I decided on a book that was non-fiction, a subject I’ve been contemplating, struggling with for quite a period of time now and it would ease me out of the life of being a full-time student as I began summer vacation with my kids.
Sometimes we look ahead and we realize we can’t actually keep our eyes on the prize. We have to keep our heads down and just put one foot in front of the other or take it one step at a time because that “prize” is just too far away. Continue reading
Living with the blur
We all know there are times when you just aren’t sure exactly what the plan is and you don’t even know where to start to figure it out. I feel a little like that these days. I have nothing to complain about in the big picture of things so I won’t do that, but I do often wonder what the bigger picture actually looks like. This week has already been amazingly interesting and it was only Tuesday night when I started this and it’s only gotten more intriguing, although, I guess in fairness there isn’t much in my life that’s just quiet and slow-paced. Most of my life is lived in a bit of a blur and while I know there is constant encouragement from various places to just slow down and live in the moment I literally feel like this stage of my life is somewhat out of my control when it comes to the pace. I know I can choose to add things or not but quite frankly there is little I can take away at this point.
Okay so it’s been way too long since I updated my blog! A few things have happened along the way, probably two of the most significant events include starting school and becoming an auntie again! Funny thing is that both happened on the same day…weird to say the least. Over the last two weeks both of these events have given me opportunity for a great deal of reflection and added an element of emotion to my life.
At this point I don’t think I’ll have time or energy to get into too much detail but there are a few things I would love to share…
ON BECOMING AN AUNTIE AGAIN…
Lately I’ve been thinking about why my life is what it is! Sounds like a deep question right, but honestly it’s not! The last few weeks, in particular the loss of my sweet nephew, the changes happening in my career and schooling, and some changes happening at James’ work, have got me thinking about how my perspective has shifted. It’s little things I notice here and there, nothing major or dramatic but little moments that 2 months ago may have put me over the edge that NOW just cause me to shrug my shoulders and keep plodding forward.
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”! For those who do not believe in God or the bible and for those who are struggling in their faith right now those words probably feel like a slap-in-the-face. I acknowledge that because as a believer who feels growth in my relationship with God I too feel like this passage is immensely hard to grasp.
I have spent a great deal of time wondering, praying, hoping that sometime soon I’d have the opportunity to move forward with a desire that’s been on my heart for many, MANY years. The time has finally come to move into a new phase of life…change directions for awhile and refocus on a new stage in my life.
When I was younger, I’ll admit I thoroughly enjoyed bossing my younger brothers around. I vividly remember being told that I wasn’t the boss or to stop being a mother hen. But the truth was that I LOVED being in charge, showing them how to do things, telling them the right way. As I got older (okay not really older but once you hit grade 7 you finally start feeling older), I participated in peer counselling programs, started baby-sitting, helping in the nursery and other kids programs at church and just generally began feeling the groove of where my travels may eventually take me. I can’t really pinpoint the moment I realized my life calling became apparent to me but I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that all my life experience has led me to the inevitable conclusion that I was meant to be a teacher.
I was in the car this morning with three, sweet four year olds. As I drove and listened to their banter I smiled, it was innocent and beautiful, silly and ridiculous but their laughter and joy filled the van. They were giggly and chatty, as they always are when they first get together. I love hearing their little voices calling each other by name and catching up on the details of the days they’ve missed. It never ceases to amaze me how children can spend hours with their friends and the next time they see each other, whether it be hours or days later they have countless details to relay. Continue reading