Living with the blur
We all know there are times when you just aren’t sure exactly what the plan is and you don’t even know where to start to figure it out. I feel a little like that these days. I have nothing to complain about in the big picture of things so I won’t do that, but I do often wonder what the bigger picture actually looks like. This week has already been amazingly interesting and it was only Tuesday night when I started this and it’s only gotten more intriguing, although, I guess in fairness there isn’t much in my life that’s just quiet and slow-paced. Most of my life is lived in a bit of a blur and while I know there is constant encouragement from various places to just slow down and live in the moment I literally feel like this stage of my life is somewhat out of my control when it comes to the pace. I know I can choose to add things or not but quite frankly there is little I can take away at this point.
As I sat with my kids the other night, at my wits end trying to define for them how this year would be different I recognized that these little brains had little to no understanding of what it looks like from this side, even though they’re desperately trying to. I was glad they sat quietly and took my rant for what it was, the rant of a highly charged moment and a mom who’s doing her best but can’t do it all.
I’m trying to balance it all, school, house, a husband who just recently started a long commute to and from work, and life that just keeps going. There’s some other things mixed in there and while I try to wear each hat well, some things give and I’ll really have to let them go. My desire to finally get involved in a ladies group outside of my working role was a good intention but clearly not a realistic expectation of myself, my hope that I would be able to maintain an active social life is still a good goal but will probably be a little less active as I had originally thought. As I head into this long weekend and continue to balance the chaos of what life is right now and then add school on top of that my goal is to take the short moments of time I have with James, with my kids, with my friends and family and just enjoy them for what they are. Sometimes life is just like that…we have to let go of our expectations and take the hour of time or the 10 minute conversation and value what them for the little nuggets of reconnection they give us.